Monday, July 21, 2008

slither slither

i feel like i am always slithering around the internet in order to find a safe place i can call my own.

i never feel like my blogs are as free, open, and honest as i want them to be. i am almost always aware of exactly who is reading my blogs and i know that they would judge certain things i have to say when those things are taken out of context. so this is it, this is the place. i called it "no torment" because i am so ready to be free from that worry and torment about what people are going to think. most of the people who "know" me really don't know me anyway. i've had quite a journey over the last 11 months. some people have met certain decisions i have made with resistance or, in one case, by blatantly telling me what to do. and as far as being worried about what family members might think about this or that, my mom puts it very well: "do they know you? no. they see you two or three times a year. what you do with your life is none of their business." she's right. i care about what my mom and dad think, my brother and sister, my katie and my melissa, and my boyfriend. those are the most important people in my life and i can't keep trying to keep everyone else happy. i'm happy, and those people care that i'm happy. they even support me almost all the time, and they never judge me or expect me to put on a song and dance for them... so i most definitely am not going to put on a song and dance for people who care less about me, support me less, and generally carry so many rules and expectations that they are quickly becoming a blight on my existence.

i wish everyone well who comes here, but this might not be the place that you want to stay.