Thursday, November 12, 2009

that was a quick trip.

apparently i have to learn some things twice.

after nickel and diming my recovery by taking two days off here, two days there?

i'm sick again. i'm sore. i'm exhausted. i can't hold my head up for very long and i can't take very big steps.

i can't even pull the foil lids off my yoplait without a LOT of effort.


last night, i crawled into bed at 5:30 and i didn't get out until 8:30 this morning. and, even then, it was brutal.

two of my coworkers flat-out cornered me in the hallway and told me that i needed to leave. "the work will get done," one of them said. "your body needs time to heal," the other one said.

and i cried.

and i cried some more. and a few hours later i went into my boss's office and blurted out, "i'm not OK!"

and i cried some more.

and she told me to leave. get better. we'll figure it out. take the time. whatever you need to do.

why are my coworkers nicer to me than i am to myself?

it's an interesting thought. i thought this was the year where i had to bust my ass and earn what was coming to me. now, i'm starting to see that that "lesson" was a red herring... i was so focused on that that i didn't even see the warnings that this is the year i have to do more than think about it... i must learn to love myself.