Wednesday, February 11, 2009

humble pie tastes like crap

well, it does.

i moved here from nashville in 2007 for a few reasons.

i missed my family.
i wanted to get to know my brother and sister before they moved out of my parents' house, went away to college, and became fleeting memories and people i saw at christmas.

i missed the lakes.
and summer. because nashville? in the summer? is stupid. so hot i could barely breathe. or move.

i missed the the land.
the finger lakes region of new york is so beautiful, it's ridiculous.

also, i just happened to get laid off.
that part is ok, since i had grown to loathe my job. even though i had a good boss who knew i was floundering and unhappy and not being used in the right way - there was nothing he really could have done differently.

my parents warned me that it would hurt me financially to make the move. that the job market up here was terrible.

i didn't heed their warning with the full seriousness that it deserved.

(i knew it would sting, but i didn't think it would slit my wrists. financially.)

and now, even though i make and have been making what should be Plenty To Live On and Still Save Money... I can't. my financial situation is still dire. i am still one false move from financial obliteration.

still. i have been struggling with this for YEARS.

and today? today i asked my parents for money to fix my car. because i can't even afford a $1500 car repair that i have known i needed for 4 months. the money just hasn't been available. i have been digging out of the quicksand that has become my financial situation. so... here's hoping. they might say no.

i'm still chewing this humble pie, and i've been working on it since October of 2007.

i think i'd like to leave the table now.