Saturday, March 21, 2009

why i listen to my ipod on shuffle.

i have had an amazing life.
i may not get to do some of the things that other people have done (hello, a girl from my high school choir was just on grey's anatomy!). but i really have worked hard to have a life i could be proud of, a life i could look back on and truly say that, although i made mistakes, i don't carry a weight of regret in my present life for those mistakes.
it's true.
i was standing at the scanner at work yesterday, feeling like my soul was being slowly sucked from my body. i had a huge pile of things to scan. it's boring. and tedious. i had my ipod on shuffle, and it started: jewel. life uncommon.
i have always loved this song. there is something about the melody, the lyrics, and the dynamics that just ...hits me.
but now, it means more.
in 2007, i think, i had a chance to see jewel play. FOR TEN DOLLARS. she was playing with a few country friends of hers. i thought it was going to be an "in-the-round" deal, where everyone played a few songs and we all went home. nope. jewel played for ... 45 minutes? longer? she played all of my favorite old songs. she opened by singing "somewhere over the rainbow" - the best i have ever heard - acapella. she told anecdotes, and she was funny, and charming, and seemed genuine.
she yodeled.
and i was so close. SO close. i could see her face, every sparkle in her shirt, the hairs on her arms...everything. it was a small venue, 12th and porter. there were NO people standing in front of us, just a few tables between us and the stage.
i forgot to mention that i had, in a moment of sheer brilliance, bought 4 tickets. i figured i could easily find 3 other people who would want to see Jewel play. so I was there with my friends michelle, allie, and shelby.
and it was either "hands" or "life uncommon" ... or it could have been both, i suppose... when allie looked at each other. we both had eyes full of tears, and we just looked at each other like, "i know."
and i have always felt like that was such a special moment. we are both storytellers. we are both more and less than we seem. we are both idealists, in a way. we both tie meaning to things and make sense of life in creative patches. i have always felt such a special bond with allie, and that moment just confirmed it. i treasure that moment.
and yesterday, standing at the scanner, feeling my soul click-click-click slowly away, i was instantly refreshed. i remembered how much fun i have had in my life. how many things i have gotten to do that other people have not. how many people i have met, and learned from, along this crazy path i call my life.
how much beauty i have seen.
and it all hits me sometimes, when the next song comes up on shuffle.