Wednesday, September 2, 2009

this is my problem.

on the heels of a post singing eric's praises, allow me to meditate on my flaws for a moment.

you see, this boring white and blue blog is not really me. i just picked the simplest theme i could find while i figured out what i wanted the blog to look like.

also? i want to start adding some more photography to the mix, here.

tonight i started working on a little project that i've been wanting to do for a month. once i started? i realized the platform i was dealing with was a bit more complicated than i had anticipated.

so i tried what i wanted to do two or three times. and it didn't come out the way i wanted it to.

i know what i need to do to make it come out the way i want. i also know that it's just going to take a little bit of time. like, probably an hour of looking through all of my photos and getting the awesome ones together in one place.

but instead of doing it... here i am, complaining about my lack of willingness to do it.

THAT. is the heart of why my blog still looks like crap. why i haven't learned to use photo-editing software. why i have craft bags and boxes and baskets brimming with unfinished projects. half-filled journals. half-read books. even, sadly, half-written letters.

because things take more time than i am willing to give them. i actually have to think about the things i want to do that make me AMELIA. they take time and effort. and focus. which i don't seem to have. and i can't seem to fight for.

apparently, rather than dig in and make meaningful progress in one or two areas, i'd rather try everything, EVERYTHING, and then throw up my hands and wail about how i'm just not a creative person.

i seriously need to get a grip.