Tuesday, October 20, 2009

the sickness, part two.

hopefully this is the post where i find my way to my point(s). today was and continues to be much better than yesterday. i made it through nine hours of work, and really, before you say anything...that last hour was an accident. i got all wrapped up in a little project and i was really enjoying myself. and then i looked at the time, and then i left.

so. being in bed for four days was no fun. i had to take help when it was offered. i even had to ask for help. like, please, sweet mother in law to be, a drink of orange juice would just make me feel alive, so... could you get me some?

i am not good at asking for help. i am not good at taking help. but when it got to the point where just rolling over in bed sapped me of all of my energy? i stopped caring. ginger ale? thanks. laundry? great. grilled cheese with prosciutto? uh, duh. yeeeah.

you know what else i'm not good at? knowing my limits. understanding that i am a human, and i have boundaries, and i must operate within those boundaries or there will be consequences. normally i feel just fine sacrificing my mental well-being, so i push myself over these lines again and again, taking things on or putting up with things that i swore i wouldn't. there is grace and patience, and then there is WAKE UP AMY, you're getting used.

so, this sickness, particularly yesterday, forced me to know and obey my limits. i mean, OBEY. when my body said "no more" yesterday, i had to listen ...or i don't know if i would have been able to even walk to my car, let alone drive home.

so i decided that i am going to be nicer to myself. i am going to know and respect my limits. i am going to ask for help when i need it. my eyes have been opened.


this is not all about me.

when i sat in my car on saturday after going to the doctor, which cost me zero dollars, and held my prescription, which cost me a few dollars, i was nearly in tears. i am so grateful, so fortunate to have health insurance. i have gone without health insurance many times, and it is scary. but on saturday, i called up the doctor, because i was sick, and i went and got medecine and now, on tuesday, i am rapidly approaching that place known as "all better." i'm an empathetic person, so i really feel for those who can't do what i did this weekend. i can't take it for granted. i don't have health insurance because i deserve to be healthy more than anyone else. i have health insurance because i lucked out and found a decent job with decent benefits and i don't make $8 an hour at the dirty store anymore. when i got sick when i worked at the dirty store? i kept working, and for two months i fought off a "cold."

my healthcare plan involved overdosing on vitamin C, robitussin, and ibuprofen.

somehow, some way... all people must have accessible, affordable health care.